My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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