I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
