I could make wine with my vomit
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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