He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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