i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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