You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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