Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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