Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
