I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We need to get me chipped asap
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
