Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize