Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
