I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
