I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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