Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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