roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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