Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
