Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
