So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
