Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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