Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I died a long time ago.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
