I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
