Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
