Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
