my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
