we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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