He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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