Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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