Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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