I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
