This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
