hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
