There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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