I think my fart just growled at me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
