so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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