How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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