: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
should my penis look like a turkey
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
