Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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