Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
