your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
