The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
