tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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