New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize