Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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