i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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