I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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