i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize