dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
