Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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