I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
