atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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