haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
