Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
