so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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