listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
