I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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