Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
