The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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