No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
