We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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