i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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