We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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