it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
