Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
