sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
