Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
