I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
