Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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