Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
