i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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