What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize